Above is a picture of my favorite heavy squat (for me), and one of my favorite fitness milestones–hitting 135 to me was separating my puny fitness goals from pursuing real strength, lifting with the big boys, being able to lift above my body weight–anyway, it was super exciting.

But more importantly, above is what I would like to call the “oh shit moment” (sorry, Grandma).  Fellow fitness junkies will understand this as the moment just over the bottom of a heavy lift, or a final rep, where you feel your body screaming at you and you realize how heavy it feels and you wonder if you’ll end up finishing the rep or falling out of it (notably, this is the point where a spotter is a good idea–or the point where you see people drop bars on their chests and fall out of the squat rack. It’s pretty embarrassing, but a necessary fitness moment in my eyes–or, it’s the point where you start to hear grunts, screams, and various crazy noises that make commonfolk wonder if people are dying).  In running, it usually happens somewhere about 2/3 of the way through a tough run when your legs are starting to go numb, you haven’t figured out that you’re still breathing, and you see how much of the race you have left and have a bit of a panic moment.
You guys in the non-fitness world probably know this feeling too (unless, of course, you’ve lived in a quite comfortable bubble your whole life).  This is the moment when you see what’s ahead of you and all at once, you get this rushing and overwhelming feeling of how difficult the next moments will be.  Physically or emotionally–these are the moments when you stop yourself and say “oh shit–can I actually do this?”

Well, I have a bit of a tradition for my oh shit moments.  I stop where I am and look myself in the eye (either literally or figuratively, depending on whether or not I’m by a mirror) and simply ask myself, “where are you gonna find it?”

These six words (or seven, if we’re being technical, but when I’m barely breathing in the gym I’m not terribly worried about grammar) are a mini pep-talk to me.
Alright, Dani, you’re in the middle of a situation that seems crazy.  There’s no easy way to do this, but there’s no way in hell you’re turning back.  It seems impossible, but it’s not–it’s not impossible, it’s just difficult.  The strength exists somewhere within you.  Where will you find the strength to do this? Where are you going to find it?
I can say with confidence that occasionally, I drop the weight.  But more often than not, I push through, because the strength does exist somewhere inside me.

My strength does not always come from my legs or back, chest, or anywhere on my body. Sometimes it comes from my desire to achieve, to hit the goals I set for myself. Sometimes it comes from my emotion–whether I feel heartbroken, angry, or just want to stop thinking, emotion can drive me to push through some of the hardest workouts, some of the toughest situations.

I say this to let you all know as well, that strength does not always come from the place you expect it to come. As much as it may hurt to realize, sometimes the strength you need to push you through a tough situation won’t come from your upstanding moral compass, your strength of heart, or your unwavering optimism.  Sometimes, it comes from desperation.  It comes from not knowing what else to do.  It comes from a broken heart, an anxious mind, complete cluelessness, or complete hopelessness.
I can’t promise you that you will be able to hoist yourself up out of the dirt and push yourself smiling through every situation.  A lot of times, it will look more like a grimace.  You’ll stop yourself and realize how heavy the weight on your back is.  And you might groan and scream, you might drop the weight or have to stop yourself and refocus.
But the strength exists somewhere within you to push through any situation.

So, the time may be apparent to ask yourself, whether you’re currently facing a difficult moment or whether you just need to understand–where are you going to find it?